to think this period of my life will soon be eternally locked & reopened only by nostalgic trips back home & hazy familiar scents is deeply distressing. and to be able to imagine what i once thought it would mean to be as old as i now am, back in freshman year, feverish visions of a rugged asher chewing on long winding blunts like twizzlers, swigging a 40 and then angrily spitting it out for some reason, a dull gray noon sky painting the alley behind the suburban, oddly well-kept 7/11 in monochrome, my tinny earbuds leaking slow distorted trap like a thin stream of smoke. i am haunted by this future that never arrived, and in its place leaves a pink and flustered whiny asher sneaking down at 1 am for a handful of pretzels that will only make me more nauseous! where did i go wrong???
this haplessness is everywhere: recently the school's been making frustratingly competent decisions like weakening the wi-fi in the bathrooms or adjusting their anti-marijuana posters to finally make sense effectively rendering them ridicule-free which was once the sole source of comfort in the day
not to mention my music taste is accelerating thru middle-agedom? the magnolia soundtrack recently hit me hard on my way to work, which feels like a grim premonition of a potential downfall into the pit of seattle-lesbian identity, which is something i never would've thought i was capable of
but life is full of surprises.
for example: both curious george AND winnie the pooh were addicts??
