Friday, December 1, 2017
talk about sealing a deal
today at work a man with clouded eyes asked me to shake his hand after a transaction
Thursday, November 30, 2017
seethin teethin & spinnin
yeah, that whole net neutrality sucks. all we can do is pray that blogspot.com keeps its senses about and paywalls the other blogs before they restrict access to this one. my content should always be free.
on second thought that'd be deeply insulting here's why: as much as i disavow capitalism it still goddamn hurts to be left out of it. what, my content isn't worthy of charging low-income families? i'm not relaying enough liberal propaganda for you to filter it out? take this:
god he's sexy. people don't look like that anymore!
which i think is true and is often overlooked. it's the reason joseph gordon-levitt or seth rogen isn't believable in a civil war film (ok, it's one of many). aside from clothes & styles & photo-posing-protocol, people looked different back in the day. even in the 50s: check out robert mitchum. now go outside and find someone with the same trianglehead* as that motherfucker. that's right. no one.
i have a few theories, each backed by dutiful medical research:
a.) puberty (which affects facial structure) has been happening earlier and earlier
b.) dentistry (which can dramatically alter your jawline and the way you hold your mouth) and orthodontics as a field of study went through its own puberty in the 20th century and skyrocketed in practice and how we understand the importance of our teeth.**
people have different illnesses now, you see? all except for me. i've got the same shit my shtetl ass ancestors have been dealing with. the running list is embarrassing. all my ailments fit squarely into the "decrepit elderly jew" genre of ailments in that all are inconvenient enough for me to righteously kvetch about but none are legitimately debilitating enough for me to actually wax poetic about / receive the sympathy of others / dedicate this much blog post to. but yeah. i got damn vertigo. it almost made me fall over like a loser while doing zumba in gym today. how's that for a upper middle class liberal jewish anecdote?
*the part in They Might Be Giants' "Particle Man" about the "Triangle Man" is about robert mitchum!! this is true
**i remember the first time i saw the 2005 Tim Burton masterpiece Charlie and the Chocolate Factory with the whole headgear extravaganza. my sibling was on their way to get braces. i thought, "does this mean we get to have esteemed actor Christopher Lee as our father, too?" just kidding, i didn't think that. i was 5 and only understood Johnny Depp as a celebrity.
on second thought that'd be deeply insulting here's why: as much as i disavow capitalism it still goddamn hurts to be left out of it. what, my content isn't worthy of charging low-income families? i'm not relaying enough liberal propaganda for you to filter it out? take this:
which i think is true and is often overlooked. it's the reason joseph gordon-levitt or seth rogen isn't believable in a civil war film (ok, it's one of many). aside from clothes & styles & photo-posing-protocol, people looked different back in the day. even in the 50s: check out robert mitchum. now go outside and find someone with the same trianglehead* as that motherfucker. that's right. no one.
i have a few theories, each backed by dutiful medical research:
a.) puberty (which affects facial structure) has been happening earlier and earlier
b.) dentistry (which can dramatically alter your jawline and the way you hold your mouth) and orthodontics as a field of study went through its own puberty in the 20th century and skyrocketed in practice and how we understand the importance of our teeth.**
people have different illnesses now, you see? all except for me. i've got the same shit my shtetl ass ancestors have been dealing with. the running list is embarrassing. all my ailments fit squarely into the "decrepit elderly jew" genre of ailments in that all are inconvenient enough for me to righteously kvetch about but none are legitimately debilitating enough for me to actually wax poetic about / receive the sympathy of others / dedicate this much blog post to. but yeah. i got damn vertigo. it almost made me fall over like a loser while doing zumba in gym today. how's that for a upper middle class liberal jewish anecdote?
*the part in They Might Be Giants' "Particle Man" about the "Triangle Man" is about robert mitchum!! this is true
**i remember the first time i saw the 2005 Tim Burton masterpiece Charlie and the Chocolate Factory with the whole headgear extravaganza. my sibling was on their way to get braces. i thought, "does this mean we get to have esteemed actor Christopher Lee as our father, too?" just kidding, i didn't think that. i was 5 and only understood Johnny Depp as a celebrity.
Wednesday, November 22, 2017
Sunday, November 19, 2017
Tuesday, November 14, 2017
CONSPIRACIES ARE TRUE!!!
this is a thorough (ie excessively lengthy) article that provides a lot of pretty frustrating context for hurricane katrina.
really interesting stuff though, about how our institutions shape our perception of events
if you get the chance,
check
out
spike
lee's
thorough (ie excessively lengthy) (ie 6 HOURS!!!!!)
documentary
about this topic exactly. it is crucial
Friday, November 10, 2017
wesley willis
his permanent bruise on forehead was due to his habit of greeting people with a head bump
*this man is curiously absent from the internet. i tried to source the original quote & could not find it!! i only got the okkervil river frontman
very interesting drawings allegedly informed by walking the streets of chicago endlessly
however, rock critic Will Robinson Sheff* wrote that Willis' "periodic appearances for crowds of jeering white fratboys evoke an uncomfortable combination of minstrel act and traveling freakshow."*this man is curiously absent from the internet. i tried to source the original quote & could not find it!! i only got the okkervil river frontman
Friday, November 3, 2017
Monday, October 30, 2017
the user's guide to the "king of pop", as he as most famously known as (it's billy joel)
here's my scorching take: just as the most devoted ice cream aficionados ultimately return full-circle to vanilla, i believed the most seasoned, john-cusack, elitist music-lovers will inevitably re-embrace the unbridled sincerity of Billy Joel. we'll all just wait for you to drop your pretensions and submit yourself.
but i get it. you're 12, and you're manically exploring your musical identity & each subsequent baggage, flipping through the (to continue the analogy) artisanal flavor of month”: “post-vaporwave,” “emo-core,” “proto-mumble-rap,” or “neo-noise-step.” and a closer look will reveal these upsetting subgenres to be like galaxies, each containing massive constellations of micro-sub-genres. but at some point, you will turn 13, and discover that the aesthetic attributes become irrelevant: they are just pitstops in your exploration of music, each with their own purpose: confusion, self-actualization, angst, escapism, catharsis, fear. you could ascribe any band or genre to the points in this constellation. nu-metal. nine inch nails. these stars are important, but they are stepping stones to the final destination, the sun. which is billy joel.
a.) let olive garden (fittingly)* represent Billy Joel. cynical detractors will lampoon his middle-of-the-road, watered-down faux-Italian-authenticity. but everyone else, those who have abandoned some fucked up loftiness for the joy of life, will just enjoy the breadsticks, which are in fact really enjoyable. maybe you can find a way in via irony. joel built his career on ed koch-era pseudo-mccartneyisms, like if coppola directed Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da: The Movie. i've noticed irony is also how people tend to approach bossa-nova, but you you can't sustain a record collection on irony. you must let that irony solidify into sincerity.
b.) understanding the sincerity of billy joel is like staring into the sun.
c.) billy joel, unlike his (often unfortunately) undeterred contemporaries, called it quits. the joel catalog is finite—he has sworn to countless audiences never to disavow his 1993 retirement from songwriting and decision to tour for the rest of his life. he put down his pen to pick up a mic, effectively transforming his career from pop craftsman to pop peddler, traversing the globe singing songs of yesteryore. this means a lot for arena venues around the globe, but what does it mean for those who can’t log on to madisonsquaregarden.com fast enough to snag tickets? it means that you can analyze his 13-album embarrassment of riches and delve fully and completely. sure, the joel catalog is finite, but you know what else is finite? the bible. And yet it continues to inspire centuries of revelation & revolution.
d.) billy joel promises a wholesome, american simplicity: a space in which auto mechanics lead odyssian quests through the perils of urban adulthood, where vietnam vets fretfully relive their missions, where divorced mothers become queens, and where the stuffy and skeptical grow up and wear their heart on their sleeve.
e.) here are some notable entry points:
Glass Houses (1980) is undoubtedly joel's flustered response to Look Sharp!: angular riffs and rollicking drums!! the piano part in "I Don't Want To Be Alone" is so unabashedly swiped off Joe Jackson's desk that u can hear his white shoes tapping on the tile floor. and it's also a little like speaking to that boy in middle school who pretended his voice was lower than it actually was. unsurprisingly the best track is the last, where he gives up and reverts to his saccharine mccartney worship. those soothing fake wind instruments? to die for.
Piano Man (1973) maybe you've heard of this one. people like to diss breakthrough albums because they're an easy entry into discographies, but this really has some great tracks on it. if you are looking for a crash course in clean 70s production, look no further. and billy
"worse comes to worst" is so killer, with joel repeatedly assuaging his fear of the future with the mysterious reminder that he "knows a woman in new mexico". the instrumental covers a shocking amount of textural ground. in the bridge, you have funky wah-wah guitar in the right channel, watery flanged in the left, a THIRD slide guitar, a gospel choir, and that killer bongo beat, and not for one moment does it feel cluttered. while these deft arrangements are likely the work of producer michael stewart, it's still an achievement to behold.
The Stranger (1977) is considered his best album. it's not, but it's his most billy joel album and functions in some ways as a compendium of his entire discography, effectively showcasing the modes of billy we'd later see explored: tender balladeer, kitchen-sink storyteller, explosive rock champion.
Cold Spring Harbor (1971) this one is billy joel's lost album if he ever had one. it was initially mastered a little too high, pitching up billy joel's voice in (what i imagine would be to him) emasculating ways. i get the vibe that pitching it back down to its original state wouldn't be super revelatory, but i could b wrong
i've changed lives today
*a la “scenes from an italian restaurant"
but i get it. you're 12, and you're manically exploring your musical identity & each subsequent baggage, flipping through the (to continue the analogy) artisanal flavor of month”: “post-vaporwave,” “emo-core,” “proto-mumble-rap,” or “neo-noise-step.” and a closer look will reveal these upsetting subgenres to be like galaxies, each containing massive constellations of micro-sub-genres. but at some point, you will turn 13, and discover that the aesthetic attributes become irrelevant: they are just pitstops in your exploration of music, each with their own purpose: confusion, self-actualization, angst, escapism, catharsis, fear. you could ascribe any band or genre to the points in this constellation. nu-metal. nine inch nails. these stars are important, but they are stepping stones to the final destination, the sun. which is billy joel.
a.) let olive garden (fittingly)* represent Billy Joel. cynical detractors will lampoon his middle-of-the-road, watered-down faux-Italian-authenticity. but everyone else, those who have abandoned some fucked up loftiness for the joy of life, will just enjoy the breadsticks, which are in fact really enjoyable. maybe you can find a way in via irony. joel built his career on ed koch-era pseudo-mccartneyisms, like if coppola directed Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da: The Movie. i've noticed irony is also how people tend to approach bossa-nova, but you you can't sustain a record collection on irony. you must let that irony solidify into sincerity.
b.) understanding the sincerity of billy joel is like staring into the sun.
c.) billy joel, unlike his (often unfortunately) undeterred contemporaries, called it quits. the joel catalog is finite—he has sworn to countless audiences never to disavow his 1993 retirement from songwriting and decision to tour for the rest of his life. he put down his pen to pick up a mic, effectively transforming his career from pop craftsman to pop peddler, traversing the globe singing songs of yesteryore. this means a lot for arena venues around the globe, but what does it mean for those who can’t log on to madisonsquaregarden.com fast enough to snag tickets? it means that you can analyze his 13-album embarrassment of riches and delve fully and completely. sure, the joel catalog is finite, but you know what else is finite? the bible. And yet it continues to inspire centuries of revelation & revolution.
d.) billy joel promises a wholesome, american simplicity: a space in which auto mechanics lead odyssian quests through the perils of urban adulthood, where vietnam vets fretfully relive their missions, where divorced mothers become queens, and where the stuffy and skeptical grow up and wear their heart on their sleeve.
e.) here are some notable entry points:
Glass Houses (1980) is undoubtedly joel's flustered response to Look Sharp!: angular riffs and rollicking drums!! the piano part in "I Don't Want To Be Alone" is so unabashedly swiped off Joe Jackson's desk that u can hear his white shoes tapping on the tile floor. and it's also a little like speaking to that boy in middle school who pretended his voice was lower than it actually was. unsurprisingly the best track is the last, where he gives up and reverts to his saccharine mccartney worship. those soothing fake wind instruments? to die for.
Piano Man (1973) maybe you've heard of this one. people like to diss breakthrough albums because they're an easy entry into discographies, but this really has some great tracks on it. if you are looking for a crash course in clean 70s production, look no further. and billy
"worse comes to worst" is so killer, with joel repeatedly assuaging his fear of the future with the mysterious reminder that he "knows a woman in new mexico". the instrumental covers a shocking amount of textural ground. in the bridge, you have funky wah-wah guitar in the right channel, watery flanged in the left, a THIRD slide guitar, a gospel choir, and that killer bongo beat, and not for one moment does it feel cluttered. while these deft arrangements are likely the work of producer michael stewart, it's still an achievement to behold.
The Stranger (1977) is considered his best album. it's not, but it's his most billy joel album and functions in some ways as a compendium of his entire discography, effectively showcasing the modes of billy we'd later see explored: tender balladeer, kitchen-sink storyteller, explosive rock champion.
Cold Spring Harbor (1971) this one is billy joel's lost album if he ever had one. it was initially mastered a little too high, pitching up billy joel's voice in (what i imagine would be to him) emasculating ways. i get the vibe that pitching it back down to its original state wouldn't be super revelatory, but i could b wrong
i've changed lives today
*a la “scenes from an italian restaurant"
Wednesday, October 18, 2017
Sunday, September 24, 2017
https://dj.dancecult.net/index.php/dancecult/article/viewFile/378/391
this is a killer piece.
just think abt the futures lost by colonialism......
this is a killer piece.
just think abt the futures lost by colonialism......
Tuesday, September 19, 2017
Monday, September 4, 2017
Wednesday, August 30, 2017
i LOVE BLOGGING!!!!!!!!
from the ashes of the deliriously overwritten asher white music blog 2013 - 2015 rises a devoutly underwritten asher music blog 2017 - (estimated given historical stamina) late 2017. you;re probably asking, asher, a precocious child like you, how bad could it be? allow me to provide a selection of choice lines from the ghosts of posts past:
on The Beatles:
"...the clapping at the end of the potentially problematic "Continuing Story of Bungalow Bill" is clearly applause for Yoko Ono's stellar, devastatingly underrated vocal performance...
"..."Yer Blues" is a success, though "Yer Blues" was a success if and only if the prerogative of the song was to make the listener desire death as intensely John claims he does."
on blonde:
"aside from being a possible reference to frank’s notorious mysticism and reclusiveness after the unexpected impact of his 2012 debut channel orange, the first fully-intelligible & mostly-untreated line on ocean’s new LP blond serves as a powerful thesis for the following hour: the battle between presence and presentness, identity and image."
"thesis" is right. save it your junior research paper, am i right?
you see we covered a lot of ground, and i really explored my writerly voice, from misanthropic dostoevsky-preachess to just Brent DiCrescenzo??
now that ive settled into nice post-ezra koenig, ironically-earnest 17yrold amiability, i feel i'm significantly more equipped to muse in a less self-congratulatory way. as if that isnt an oxymoron!!
please enjoy this blog i mean
on The Beatles:
"...the clapping at the end of the potentially problematic "Continuing Story of Bungalow Bill" is clearly applause for Yoko Ono's stellar, devastatingly underrated vocal performance...
"..."Yer Blues" is a success, though "Yer Blues" was a success if and only if the prerogative of the song was to make the listener desire death as intensely John claims he does."
on blonde:
"aside from being a possible reference to frank’s notorious mysticism and reclusiveness after the unexpected impact of his 2012 debut channel orange, the first fully-intelligible & mostly-untreated line on ocean’s new LP blond serves as a powerful thesis for the following hour: the battle between presence and presentness, identity and image."
"thesis" is right. save it your junior research paper, am i right?
you see we covered a lot of ground, and i really explored my writerly voice, from misanthropic dostoevsky-preachess to just Brent DiCrescenzo??
now that ive settled into nice post-ezra koenig, ironically-earnest 17yrold amiability, i feel i'm significantly more equipped to muse in a less self-congratulatory way. as if that isnt an oxymoron!!
please enjoy this blog i mean
Wednesday, April 5, 2017
Wednesday, August 3, 2016
a message from mama
it's been a while since i've written on this blog primarily because i've taken to dispersing my thoughts over twitter in an exercise in self-restraint & concision as opposed to periodically dumping vast (entirely unsought) heaps of self-indulgence and aggrandizement every 10 months or so, an act which carries some theoretical resemblance to unloading a overcooked fetus who has spent an extra month in the womb to develop such unwanted & obnoxious qualities as irony, self-deprecation, and relentlessly flowery language. i suppose it is better than a premature runny fetus that cries just as loud as a normal baby but without any of the endearing qualities (like skin) so maybe i will stick to my schedule or find a healthy in-between. i already suspect my urge to post on here has some tie to my hormonal waves as i find myself gravitating towards blogger.com in the lonely, weightless summer months.
but i've decided to squeeze out another blog post that hopefully does in fact grow past infancy unlike maybe previous endeavors. in some ways maybe a test to see if my voice has changed or my scope has widened since last year when i sent out my initial posts... maybe optimistic and naive as a quick glance among the archives will display... which is humbling, last year there was an unfortunate dash of tongue-in-cheekness about the voice i was using & self-parody & pitchfork-parody that i've made some executive decisions about and plan to shave off a few of those extraneous layers.
a frightening and controversial privilege that blogspot grants me, i've discovered, is the ability to take complete control of each aspect of the site, including the date that marks each post which mostly is an inadvertent encouragement for revisionism. a striking post-millenial dictatorship has now been constituted and there is nothing you can do to halt the regime from reporting consistency in the frequency of my posts— so hypothetically i could have written the bulk of the posts you see in a manic 24-hour period and then assigned them arbitrary dates throughout the past two years— so those looking back on this blog will notice only 2-month intervals between each post, as opposed to the natal 9-month absences. if i were to take advantage of this there would be very little reason to believe i do not have a productive and professional work ethic and so when i inevitably send this blog out to my future employers and teachers, they will have hope in their hearts, minds, and souls.
in conclusion,
one other post on this blog was written along with this one but then scattered throughout the rest & hiding under the guise of an older date and the only way for you to discover which one is to undergo intense analytical research on the evolution of my writing style and figure it out from there
but i've decided to squeeze out another blog post that hopefully does in fact grow past infancy unlike maybe previous endeavors. in some ways maybe a test to see if my voice has changed or my scope has widened since last year when i sent out my initial posts... maybe optimistic and naive as a quick glance among the archives will display... which is humbling, last year there was an unfortunate dash of tongue-in-cheekness about the voice i was using & self-parody & pitchfork-parody that i've made some executive decisions about and plan to shave off a few of those extraneous layers.
a frightening and controversial privilege that blogspot grants me, i've discovered, is the ability to take complete control of each aspect of the site, including the date that marks each post which mostly is an inadvertent encouragement for revisionism. a striking post-millenial dictatorship has now been constituted and there is nothing you can do to halt the regime from reporting consistency in the frequency of my posts— so hypothetically i could have written the bulk of the posts you see in a manic 24-hour period and then assigned them arbitrary dates throughout the past two years— so those looking back on this blog will notice only 2-month intervals between each post, as opposed to the natal 9-month absences. if i were to take advantage of this there would be very little reason to believe i do not have a productive and professional work ethic and so when i inevitably send this blog out to my future employers and teachers, they will have hope in their hearts, minds, and souls.
in conclusion,
one other post on this blog was written along with this one but then scattered throughout the rest & hiding under the guise of an older date and the only way for you to discover which one is to undergo intense analytical research on the evolution of my writing style and figure it out from there
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