those eyes keep on staring

merry christmas! i was in a 5 guys in lincolnwood (isnt it nice?) and heard the Paul McCartney christmas song.  i'd rather you listen to this in full before reading, because you deserve to have your own experience with this track independent from my grinchy analysis.
done? great.
i'll be honest, it was shocking to hear this song. and shockingly fitting for Five Guys, an establishment which has really capitalized off of the eerie, vaguely hauntological aesthetic of sanitized 50s diner, with red&white geometry, flourescent lights, and a reliable "worst of the late 70s" playlist.
"Wonderful Christmas Time" has the emotional affect of a wikihow illustration. that tried-&-true McCartney cheer wearing thin like a polyethylene sheet, the repeated listing of christmas essentials and then reaffirmation of "that's enough" as if consoling a loved one from an inadequate Christmas experience, the weird looped sleigh bells that remain jarring throughout the entire song, somehow hitting the worst possible sonic frequencies, the  warped plasticine synths... all that mechanized manic detachment falls so squarely into uncanny valley  you would think it was designed to soundtrack a 80s b-movie horror film where mannequins overtake a Macy's. man. post-70s McCartney is so depressing. at least Ringo succumbed to his inevitable irrelevance and remained content with his "goofball" image. Paul's steadfast earnestness became terrifying so quick. god damn.
anyway, remember this image?

i feel like this was THE image of 2007. it smells so strongly of the yahoo search engine. i was initially going to make this my blog background but decided against it because i want people to pay attention to the words i write, not the hotties behind. figured it would ultimately be akin to background pornhub advertisements except the advertisements are better than the actual porn itself.... but really how come everyone knows this pic? how did it gain that much traction on the internet? why can't i stop yahoo-searching for it?* why have i wasted ink cartridge after ink cartridge printing hundreds of copies of this shit out at the Evanston public library?

*you think that yahoo didnt catch on because it's harder to make into a verb than "google"? "yahooing" "binging" it doesn't roll so smooth like "googling" does.