SMOKE (VAPOR) & MIRRORS

back when the news broke onto buzzfeed my high school collectively uncurled their juul-clenching fists for a brief moment's reflection: does it really make sense that this is "better for you" than weed? or does it fundamentally violate our eternal undisputed millenial qualifier of healthiness: organic-ness?

and look at how "NEWS"-- in a different (serif!) font, no less-- has been conveniently added to the trusty buzzfeed logo to affirm its status. what's next VICE becoming legit and producing important, respectable journalism? i miss the good old days when their all-star team churned out classics like "Inside The Horrible Life of Amsterdam's Wealthiest But Most Irritating PCP-Addicted Child Porn Star" or "We Found The Most Emo Farmer in the Himalayas and Gave Him Peyote" or "5 Guys With Moderate Erectile Dysfunction Reveal The Most Upsetting Porn They've Accidentally Stumbled Across, But High". I'm kind of joking but
also

Joseph G. Allen:
Who invited him?
And doesn't he have any cheese
or grapes on that paper plate?

mostly
not.

anyway, as per usual, the old foagies at the New York Times have finally caught up to this juul & e-cig pandemonium and published a thorough review of this troubling information. already in the 4th paragraph, valiant knight and oddly-insincere-gay-man-at-your-wedding Joseph G. Allen is exposing the scandalous corruption of previous e-cig journalism, citing shady conflicts of interest and asserting himself as the Mueller of e-cig tyranny. maybe this article will at last prompt the men who wear those long coat-tailed blazers and stand outside cafes to finally relinquish their cig pens and vape canisters. maybe.

happy passover, in other news. we're good family friends with my rabbi, and while i'm sure he didn't know i was redwinedrunk after 1 glass, he still exercised great patience in leading my vertigo-plagued body through the Modern-Day Seder. AS IT TURNS OUT we have similar issues w/ passover and its situational irony:

DID YOU KNOW? in the 18th century, American Jews would wax mournful of their ancient days enslaved, until the slaves they kept downstairs took too long to bring up the parsley, which is when we'd yell and demand and then thank God for our newly-instated Whiteness. yes, jews owned slaves! "off-white" has been used to describe the Jewish-American experience (i prefer "egg-shell," or "creme") throughout the 20th-century, but now? (a lot of this is discussed in this book i'd like to read but haven't bought, ironically due its price tag & my jewishness.)
my family accepted our certificate of whiteness with honors, and stamped it with beautiful symbolism when my great-grandfather changed his name from Weisman to White.

have a nice day!!!!! dont forget to drink water!!!!!!! i often feel like the gravity is shifting in parts of my body, or that my center of balance is being drawn upwards as if by a large magnet, when i am not drinking enough water. it is psychosomatic i am sure (i am not chronically dehydrated or anything, just hugely neurotic) but it reminds me of internals sands that indicate what i need!! so it is important to nourish and re-nourish, even if it is only a gesture.